Introduction: Why Regret Cuts So Deep
We all know the sting of regret. A conversation not had. A leap not taken. A moment that passed too quietly and never returned. Yet while regret is universal, how we carry it—how long we dwell in it, how we make sense of it, how we either use it or run from it—is profoundly shaped by our personalities.
Regret is more than a feeling. It’s a psychological reckoning: a reckoning with our ideals, our identities, and our inner narratives about what should have been. For some, regret leads to self-doubt. For others, it fuels future ambition. And for many, it becomes a silent passenger in the mind, whispering “what if” long after the moment has passed.
This blog dives deep into the world of regret through the lens of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). Using psychological research and insights from typology, we’ll explore how each of the 16 personality types uniquely processes missed chances—emotionally, cognitively, and behaviorally.
The Psychology of Regret: A Quick Primer
Before we explore how MBTI types relate to regret, let’s ground ourselves in psychological theory.
Regret is a counterfactual emotion—a feeling that arises when we mentally simulate a different outcome than the one we experienced. It’s what we feel when we think, “If only I had done that differently…” This ability to simulate alternate realities is tied to executive function, self-concept, and moral reasoning.
According to psychologist Neal Roese, regret often centers around two categories: actions we took and actions we failed to take. In the short term, people regret actions more—saying something cruel, making a bad investment, quitting too soon. But in the long term, it’s the inactions that haunt us: the risks we didn’t take, the love we never confessed, the dreams we postponed.
Recent findings also show that how we process regret depends on:
- Our sense of agency (Did I have control?)
- Our emotional style (Do I ruminate or move on?)
- Our self-narrative (How does this regret fit into the story I tell myself?)
All of these are deeply influenced by personality type—specifically, the cognitive preferences described in MBTI.
Regret by MBTI Type: A Typological Deep Dive
Let’s explore how each MBTI type tends to process, experience, and recover from regret. While these are general patterns, they reflect underlying cognitive functions and emotional orientations.
Analysts (NT Types)
INTJ – The Strategic Idealist
INTJs regret inefficiency, lost time, and not acting fast enough to secure their vision. They often look back on moments where they ignored their instincts in favor of social harmony or practicality. Their inferior Extraverted Sensing (Se) can lead to a sense that they missed out on living because they were too busy planning. INTJs tend to bury regret under new goals but may struggle with occasional flashes of existential restlessness.
INTP – The Reflective Philosopher
Regret for INTPs often comes from inaction: the book never written, the call never returned, the idea that never saw the light of day. With dominant Introverted Thinking (Ti), they analyze their choices endlessly and imagine dozens of alternate timelines. But their underdeveloped Extraverted Feeling (Fe) can cause emotional blind spots, especially around people they’ve unintentionally hurt through withdrawal or detachment.
ENTJ – The Decisive Commander
ENTJs rarely dwell, but when they do, it’s because they realize they over-prioritized achievement at the expense of connection. Their regret surfaces when they feel they ignored warning signs, failed to empower others, or missed chances to be more human. ENTJs tend to reframe regret as fuel for better systems, but deep down, they can carry guilt about being too sharp-edged when softness was called for.
ENTP – The Limitless Explorer
ENTPs regret paths not taken. Their dominant Extraverted Intuition (Ne) generates endless possibilities, which makes the narrowing of life choices a quietly agonizing experience. Their regret is often felt in retrospect: What if I’d stuck with that one idea? That one person? ENTPs tend to joke their way through regret but wrestle with an inner fear that their potential was scattered instead of sculpted.
Diplomats (NF Types)
INFJ – The Insightful Advocate
INFJs are haunted by the emotional echoes of regret. Their dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni) and secondary Extraverted Feeling (Fe) make them hyper-aware of lost potential—in themselves and others. They often regret not saying what needed to be said, or not fighting harder for something they felt was right. Their regret is deep, poetic, and tied to purpose. INFJs often transmute regret into mentorship or quiet advocacy for others.
INFP – The Idealistic Dreamer
INFPs regret silence. Moments where they didn’t stand up—for themselves, for love, for truth. Regret sits in their soul like an unplayed melody. Their dominant Introverted Feeling (Fi) stores emotional truths that they revisit long after others have forgotten. They may romanticize the past, even painfully so. Healing for them comes through creative expression and learning to forgive their own passivity.
ENFJ – The Guiding Mentor
ENFJs often regret emotional miscalculations—times when they overextended themselves or misread someone’s intentions. Their Fe seeks harmony, but their auxiliary Ni adds a layer of insight that makes them painfully aware of when they’ve overcompensated. They replay social dynamics and obsess over whether they could’ve done more. ENFJs heal through helping others not make the same mistakes.
ENFP – The Passionate Pathfinder
ENFPs regret missed sparks—lost connections, postponed dreams, roads not taken. Their Ne leads them toward possibilities, while their Fi makes every decision a statement of identity. Their regret can be whimsical on the surface but quietly devastating underneath. They regret when they chose safety over freedom or freedom over intimacy. ENFPs heal through new experiences and deeper self-acceptance.
Sentinels (SJ Types)
ISTJ – The Loyal Executor
ISTJs regret breaking rules they value—or failing to live up to expectations. They may suppress regret at first, burying it under responsibility and logic. But internally, they replay errors in judgment like courtroom transcripts. Their inferior Extraverted Intuition (Ne) may lead to anxiety about unknown futures, and their dominant Si (Introverted Sensing) preserves emotional records for years.
ISFJ – The Gentle Protector
ISFJs are prone to regret when their care wasn’t enough. Whether it’s a relationship that fell apart or a family member they couldn’t save, they carry emotional burdens long after the fact. Their Fe may drive them to people-please, leading to regret over lost boundaries. Healing comes through learning to give themselves the compassion they so freely give others.
ESTJ – The Commanding Organizer
ESTJs often regret not listening—especially to emotions, subtle cues, or inner instincts. Their Te focus on productivity may cause them to bulldoze over moments of nuance. Regret hits when they realize they could have created better outcomes by being more patient or reflective. They grow by integrating their Fi and developing emotional fluency.
ESFJ – The Harmonizing Caregiver
ESFJs feel regret in the cracks of relationships. They hate letting people down and often replay conversations they think went wrong. Their Fe makes them social empaths, but their inferior Ti can lead to self-doubt about their logic. They regret harsh words said in stress or kindness withheld out of pride. Healing comes through open communication and setting healthy boundaries.
Explorers (SP Types)
ISTP – The Tactical Craftsman
ISTPs often regret impulsive actions—words said in anger, relationships dropped without warning, or risks that didn’t pay off. Their dominant Ti and Se combo makes them masters of the moment but sometimes blind to long-term emotional consequences. They heal through silent reflection and by allowing themselves to feel what they normally push aside.
ISFP – The Soulful Artist
ISFPs regret hiding their hearts. Whether out of fear, pride, or self-protection, they often struggle to express what they feel in the moment. Regret for them sounds like a soft “I wish you knew” echoing in the background. Their Fi keeps their values close, but their Se means they experience the pain of beauty and loss acutely. Healing often comes through art, movement, or quiet connection.
ESTP – The Bold Risk-Taker
ESTPs regret the big swings that missed—or the people they pushed away in pursuit of stimulation. Their dominant Se loves momentum, but their inferior Ni may cause them to miss the writing on the wall. Emotional regret is often delayed, and when it hits, it hits hard. They grow by learning to pause, reflect, and tune into emotional undercurrents.
ESFP – The Joyful Connector
ESFPs regret time lost to fear. They crave connection but sometimes avoid depth for the sake of keeping the vibe light. Their regret often centers on not going deeper with people or staying too long in the wrong places. They heal through shared stories, embodied joy, and making meaning of the moments they still have.
Patterns of Regret: Insights Across Type Families
- Introverts internalize regret—ruminating quietly, often for years.
- Extroverts externalize it—processing regret through conversation or performance.
- Feelers regret moral failures or relational missteps.
- Thinkers regret inefficiency or poor judgment.
- Judgers regret actions taken too quickly.
- Perceivers regret opportunities missed due to indecision.
- Sensors focus on specific moments or details.
- Intuitives regret broad arcs—missed destinies, unlived futures.
Healing Regret: Type-Based Takeaways
- Fi-dominants (INFP, ISFP): Practice self-forgiveness. Express emotion through art or journaling.
- Fe-users (ENFJ, ESFJ, INFJ, ISFJ): Talk through your feelings. Allow for imperfection in service.
- Te-users (ENTJ, ESTJ): Reframe regret as strategy refinement. Integrate emotion into decisions.
- Ti-users (INTP, ISTP): Exit the loop of analysis by acting on small, redemptive decisions.
- Ne-users (ENFP, ENTP): Don’t mourn every path not taken. Choose one and infuse it with meaning.
- Se-users (ESFP, ESTP): Learn to pause and reflect before reacting. Stillness is not stagnation.
- Ni-users (INTJ, INFJ): Trust the past was necessary. Your vision is still unfolding.
- Si-users (ISTJ, ISFJ): Let go of the “archive.” You’re not bound to old scripts.
Q&A: Common Regret Questions by Type
Why do INFPs feel regret so deeply?
Because their Introverted Feeling is hyper-attuned to inner moral alignment. Any misstep feels like self-betrayal.
Do ESTPs regret their bold choices?
Not always immediately—but over time, consequences surface. Regret often shows up as restlessness.
Which type regrets inaction most?
ENFPs and INTPs often mourn paths not taken due to their tendency to ideate more than execute.
Conclusion: The Gift Hidden Inside Regret
Regret is painful—but it’s also clarifying. It reveals what we truly value, what we wish we had done, and who we still have time to become.
Each MBTI type has its own regret pattern, rooted in how we think, feel, act, and remember. But regret isn’t the enemy—it’s the invitation. The invitation to listen to our unlived lives, to reflect, and to choose more wisely next time.
So the next time regret visits you, don’t run. Sit with it. Learn from it. Let it teach you the art of becoming.